I don’t really have or need a million bucks. The title was just for show. However, I am quite interested in money.

Most summers I’ve had a hard time finding work, but this time around I’ve had a particularly high rejection rate from all sorts of places. So, besides going down to apply at the local temp agency, I thought I should go ahead and make the internet aware of my marketable qualities, in case anyone out there is in need of my particular skill set.

1. I give really good hugs. Unfortunately, all those people with the “Free Hugs” signs have somewhat ruined the business for the rest of us. Maybe I could classify mine as Deluxe and charge 20 cents each.

2. I have a whole system for washing windows. Both my grandma and Janice Brown are in awe of my skills. I make them shine.

3. I have a good sense of direction. When we went on long car trips as a child, I always used to ask for the atlas so many times that my dad always just gave up and told me to keep it in the backseat. So if you’re in need of a passenger seat (or even backseat) navigator for a cross-country trip, I’m plenty available.

6. I can make handmade ravioli. (That’s a thing I learned in college.)

4. I’m quite good at reading aloud. In fact, if you’d like, I can even come over every night and put your kids to bed, complete with a chapter of classic children’s lit, while you go watch Doctor Who or drink margaritas or whatever it is you like to do without small people underfoot.

5. I adore ironing. Apparently everyone else hates doing this, and I don’t understand why. It’s so warm and soft and satisfying. In fact, if I wasn’t poor, I’d do it for free.

7. I can find books in the library really, really fast. (Especially if it’s the Library of Congress system and what you’re looking for is British literature.)

8. I’m a pro at crying in public. So if you have a father-in-law whom you want to make uncomfortable and guilty enough to fork over the down payment for a house or something, just bring me along and I’m totally on that, so long as I get a cut.

9. I love heights, for whatever that’s worth. (Is that worth anything? Man, I hope so. Maybe I could be a chimney sweep. I’m real little…)

10. I put the belt back on a lawn mower once. By myself… (I’ll stop now.)

If any of the abilities above are of interest, then please be in touch. I’m sitting at home with my phone in my lap.